he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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