I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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