Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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