Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
