Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
