No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
