Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
