I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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