I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
