But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
