So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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