before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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