They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
