Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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