Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
