Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
