I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
