so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
