You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I touched a dick in church today
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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