I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
