Sry I called you an 8
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
