That's intense
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
