Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
