i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
