dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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