Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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