you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
