My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
