Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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