Do you still have your period?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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