apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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