my vag is so smooth its legendary
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
