But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
