Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
