So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
