After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
