If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
