i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Let's get the cat blown out
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
