trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
