went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
