Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
