I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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