there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
