so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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