I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
