So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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