Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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