The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
