I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
