Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize