My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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