This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
