People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
