that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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