If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
