u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
