The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
