I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
