If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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