dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
