Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
