from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
