Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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