You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
