My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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