yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
