My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
