her vagine was all disorganized.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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