she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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