It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
