Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
