wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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