Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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