I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
