After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
