end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
