I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
